You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
