Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
