FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
