How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
