Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize