I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
