Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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