Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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