Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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