Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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