Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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