i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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