btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
