If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
