happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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