Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
