I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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