you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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