what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
