hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize