I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
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