we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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