That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
