hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
