So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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