So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
