there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
