I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
