I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
