It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize