apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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