I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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