guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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