It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
