this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
