we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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