Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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