he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
