I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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