my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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