I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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