I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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