erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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