Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I supernannyed him into submission
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
