My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize