You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
