The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
