Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize