I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You made out with two different species that night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
