This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
