This is not my ceiling
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
