Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
