HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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