Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
