i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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