Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
