You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
