I am full of burrito and curiosity
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
