Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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