Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize