this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
