and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
