And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
