just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You dont lie about slip and slides
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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