I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
