We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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