haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
