I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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